Do You Talk Too Much? You Think You Are a Listener--But Maybe Not???

In recent years, Dear Husbola and I have had the good fortune to travel with a few groups to interesting places.  Refreshing, interesting places, with for the most part--interesting travel companions.

But there is always one.  Or two.  People that you learn to avoid when it comes time to sit next to at dinner, or a lecture or on a bus.

Big Talkers.  Come to think if it--we know a few in our sphere here at home.  Really Big Talkers.  The type of folks that when you get home you want to plop in a chair and just recover from your interaction.  Smugly,  Dear Husbola and I will sometimes ask after a social thingie--"Now--what did So-And-So learn anybody else tonight?"  The answer can sometimes be --NOTHING.

Don't worry.  It's not you.   None of these people read my blog.  Or even know I have a blog--because they do not stop talking long enough to ask me about me.  Or what we are doing these days. Or how things are --and then actually stop and actively listen and follow up with questions.  But they do have time to ramp up their monologues and sometimes it is a stream of consciousness and I could not get in a word in edgewise if I wanted to.  I must admit--my eyes glaze over and I think of England or of what I am going to make for dinner.  Sustainable friendships have to be reciprocal.  I have learned from my friend "K" that phrases like"we have to get together soon" or "let's get together sometime this summer" are just throw away phrases.  When "K" calls or emails--there are suggested dates given for a get together, and I make sure to do the same with her.

I hope I am a listener. I work at it.  I actually want to hear and learn about others. I learn nothing by yammering about myself.  My role models have been my late Aunt and Dear Husbola himself and even my Mother.  On our first date--when men usually spend time in ego driven monologue,  Dear Not Yet Husbola was a very active conversationalist and created mutual dialogue.  (Thank you to all the women who let him get away!  I am eternally grateful.)    And my Mother?  She can get the deceased to answer her questions at a wake.

Nobody thinks they are a big talker.  Everybody thinks they are a  good listener.  Not true.

I ran across this article in the Wall Street Journal last fall that I wanted to clip and send out to several names that come to mind--but I did not.  Of course not.  That is the stuff of fantasies. 

If you have any interest, http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702303722604579111220890756120 is a clever article,  well written and worth a tongue in cheek chuckle.

There--I feel better. Let's all promise each other to work on the listening and mutual pieces of our friendships and acquaintances.   Next blog is about antiques.  I promise.